Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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