so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
