the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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