Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
