I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
