he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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