Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize