Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
