I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
