You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
We have started to decorate penises.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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