Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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