i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
