HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
