I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
