Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
