Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
she pinky promised me she was 18
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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