Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
