so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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