You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
