i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
