did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
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