"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
