Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i will never coherently bang her
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
