The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
