ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
