Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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