WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
