Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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