she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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