Are we in a gay sports bar?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
