You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
