It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
