I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
