i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
