He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
you had me at cake vodka
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Randomize
