at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
