I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
