Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Randomize
