I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
