Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
