He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
