well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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