All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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