so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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