Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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