Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
