Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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