When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
