I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
