I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
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