Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
